love is an institution

candace 61810

2010-06-18T18:02:00.000-07:00

2010-05-31T06:24:00.001-07:00

2010-05-29T14:53:00.000-07:00

The product of my furlough day... it was almost worth the short paycheck to have time to create...
Tomorrow - Photographs.

2010-02-19T06:43:00.000-08:00

February art is a little slower... Imaginary Black Bird was the theme for our Orange Dream Monkeys Group. I have hopes of producing more in the near future... the weekend is in sight.

2010-02-19T06:39:00.000-08:00

How bout that January art... it just keeps coming...

2010-02-19T06:36:00.000-08:00

Even More January Art...

2010-02-19T06:33:00.000-08:00

More January Art

2010-02-19T06:31:00.000-08:00

Dawn & Lynn Shoot

2010-02-10T17:00:00.000-08:00

I had a wonderful opportunity to document two strong and beautiful women and their friendship a couple of weeks back. I'm happy to have permission to post a few pictures!

find

2010-02-10T16:42:00.000-08:00

My newest addition, note the plucked out eyelashes, the stains on her face, the missing arm and the wire around her neck, she's charming!

2010-01-30T07:44:00.000-08:00

I am off to do a photo shoot in a couple of ours, okay 2.75 hours in case anyone is counting. I'm so excited, as I pack up clothing and props in case they want to play :) I have guns and doll heads and skulls and pearls and black velvet and real vintage fur as well as a big old fake fur coat... I have the lights - I even packed up fruit as an offering. I feel super charged and wish we could get going earlier. then this afternoon Damian is getting his hair cut so it's a full and busy and exciting day!

vision and belief

2010-01-09T20:18:00.000-08:00

So today I got a last minute phone call giving me an opportunity to create a vision board, of course I grabbed the chance and rushed over to Dayna's studio to play! What I was met with was an opportunity to get deeper in touch with what I want out of life (with some guidance from Destree on a process aimed to help discover what that is). I gravitated towards prosperity, art, reclaiming my beauty and loving relationships. When I got home I grabbed a white gel pen and was going to start drawing some spirals, doodles, scribbles... but instead I decided to write my central word in all of the blank spaces between the images and words... Believe. I believe in myself, I believe in something greater than myself, I believe in my power to manifest my desires into the physical universe. Now I just need to seal it and find a place to hang it... somewhere that I can see it and remind myself that I have a right to desire these things.

Final Edit

2010-01-03T09:08:00.000-08:00

adding on to the original. I like the juxtaposition between the darkness and the cartoonish elements of the collage with the different textures. I think it's done now.

princess, prayers, satietry, masks & heros...

2010-01-03T07:12:00.000-08:00

Pages 5, 6: I really love this spread, Satiety and prayers for love...

Pages 4, 5: We need a Hero... This is not my favorite spread although I love all the pictures... the papers are a departure for me and I'm not crazy about the handwriting at the top. I do like the gold sheen and the 3D elements. Looks better in real life.

first pages!

2010-01-02T22:42:00.001-08:00

Hidden amongst the first page is the quote "Scar tissue is stronger than regular tissue, realize the strength, move on." Henry Rollins. I came across a scrap of paper I had jotted that on this morning!

Journal Making Journey!

2010-01-02T22:24:00.000-08:00

Spent a wonderful day making a new handbound journal for visual journaling with my ever inspiring friend Dayna of Alley Art Studio, and my lovely and talented friend Destree, I will be taking Dayna's class to make another journal later in the month, but grabbed the opportunity to make another one as I've been whizzing through my pages and anticipate that The Walking in this World class will help keep me inspired as will our Orange Dream Monkeys gathering once a month at the Alley Art Studio. There was much laughter and creativity flowing and it was great to spend the day amongst good friends and covered in paint and inks - what I love best! It was a long, full, fulfilling day and I should be contemplating sleep so I'll keep this short. I'll blog my completed pages (1 1/2 page spreads) separately. The New Year is off to a great start!

2010-01-01T18:15:00.000-08:00

fun with molding paste and acrylics, my personal photography, vintage text and lots and lots of texture!

2010-01-01T10:40:00.000-08:00

Text reads: I used to run with them and had great fun/ Everyone may not know what breaking in is.

Good Morning, Happy New Year! What a brilliant way to bring forth a new decade, with a partial eclipse and a blue moon, thank you moon for doing such great work!
I woke up this morning feeling full of, and loving, life!
I have so much to be grateful for, and I accidentally happened upon my resolutions for last year and discovered that I accomplished 9 0f my 12 goals for 2009.

happy new years eve!

2009-12-31T20:25:00.000-08:00

freedom

2009-12-30T16:46:00.000-08:00

I feel free... something inside me has lifted and some of those things that mattered immensely once, not so long ago, are no longer of great consequence.
I have gone through so many changes in the last couple of years...
Let go of some of my security, taken a few risks...
It's worked out pretty well.
Lets continue this trend into the new year...

art 12-28-09

2009-12-28T20:40:00.000-08:00

Getting a journal ready to do my morning pages in, to me this feels like a teenage expression, I almost painted back over it but then thought, nah... it's okay to embrace my inner teenager, who by the way has a rockin' mohawk. This was a plain blank journal that I started in 2008 and abandoned as I so often do... hopefully doing Dayna's Artist Way: Walking in this World class will help me get and stay inspired with my writing as well as other forms of artistic expression.

This was my other creation of the evening, I like this one better, it's not finished yet though I have a feeling - vintage thesaurus page with paint and ink. Might have to add some gold...

2009-12-28T20:15:00.000-08:00

_/*Autonomy*/_

/I couldn't be there for your birth,/

/I hadn't been thought of,/

/or even considered,/

/someday I would be the momentary/

/disappointment, just another girl.../

/
/

/“Girls” they always said, /

/the phrase I remember most /

/from childhood, /

/when did we become separate?/

/When did we become
/

/Kelan,
/

/Shelby?/

/
/

/A thousand miles between us,/

/once that didn't even matter,/

/as I spent a thousand Saturdays/

/tied to the phone cord, /

/afraid to move/

/trying to make you laugh,/

/trying to make you see/

/that it was worth living.../

/when you were /

/visiting ghosts, /

/cliff diving into /

/the past, again and again and again/

/I was there to catch you/

/as you fell,/

/though sometimes I buckled /

/beneath the weight\/

/of shared memory/

/
/

/There was never anywhere/

/I would have rather been,/

/than there with you,/

/we were conjoined/

/as surely as twins,/

/although I wouldn't celebrate/

/your birthday for 2 more years.../

/
/

/Once you spent a million Sundays /

/trying to keep me from the razors edge,/

/from the deep end of the ocean,/

/from the call of my ribs, my bones, beautiful/

/beneath the skin, so close then,/

/to the surface,/

/You spent your youth,/

/trying to fix, what it took half a lifetime,/

/to break/

/Though your fingers bled/

/sometimes/

/from all that stitching/

/and no thimble to save you/

/and you wrote poems/

/in the blood.../

/always resourceful,/

/we were raised like pioneers./

...

written for my sister on her birthday. 12/19/09.

Christmas Art

2009-12-26T18:59:00.000-08:00

While my son has been happily playing away on his new PS3 I was busy making art. I had a friend come over on Christmas night and we played with some mixed media techniques. These images are a combination of india ink, acrylic, marker, graphite, oil pastel and watercolor crayons with lots of gold rubbing and my own hand carved stamps added in to satisfy my fixations... the clippings are from vintage fairytale books and thesaurus'. Fueled by coffee and then wine, it was a lot of fun! Funny how sweet my art comes across in direct contrast to my photography which I think has a dark edge to it... I've always kind of fought against my own drawing style but I think slowly I'm learning to appreciate and embrace it. Hope all of you had as wonderful a holiday as I did, Monday I'm back to work after a week off... lets see what awaits me!

first visual journal highlights

2009-12-22T12:14:00.000-08:00

I finally finished my visual journal, it's been nearly a year in the making, I feel exhilaration and loss at the same time...
this one is my favorite

The song lyrics on the second page are for Memory Lane by Elliott Smith - check it out... great song, wonderful lyrics...

this reads "close to my heart" and the insert is a dictionary entry for creative.

life as usual?

2009-10-29T06:31:00.000-07:00

I'm up early this morning - did a 15 minute work out and got all clean and shiny... now it's time to relax and nag Damian about getting ready alternately.
Day before yesterday Damian got fitted with an ambulatory EEG machine and wore it for 24 hours, it was removed yesterday and life goes on as usual - other than the waiting to discover the results. Damian had an "event" while wearing the machine which means that he passed out cold and landed with eyes wide open completely unresponsive. I swooped in to soften the fall as I could see him heading face first, but I can't do anything else, the most frustrating things imaginable to me as a parent. So now, we wait.
My art has been taking a low priority to everything else in my life, but last weekend I went to my friend Michelle's and we were hip deep in arts and crafts after my visit to craft warehouse that morning. Right now I'm concentrating on getting my body healthy and hoping that my mind will follow. I've been exercising every single day for at least a half an hour for the past 2 weeks and have been keeping track of what I eat on sparkpeople.com. One more week to building a habit. I hate to talk about weight loss as it's hard for me to admit that I have a problem, but it's not likely anyone will be looking at me and not noticing that over the past year and a half I've gotten fat, it's just reality. What makes it really hard for me is that for over 11 years I had an active eating disorder - anorexia/bulimia. My metabolism is shot as a result and my self esteem as well... so it's important that I do this in a healthy way and don't let myself get too stressed, which is hard to do when you've got a child who has health issues and a job that requires a lot of you... but I'll just do my best. After all, I suppose for me, this is just life as usual.

2009-09-05T06:58:00.000-07:00

Getting ready for my photoshoot with Destree today, woke up at 5:20 this morning and decided to go with it, only 25 mins earlier than i wake up on a work day. Destree will be dressed as a clown and we will be working this into the mood of a lost family theme... I did my own makeup this morning and took a couple of snapshots,.. the makeup isn't perfect but I think the mood is evident anyways.

poetry

2009-08-23T13:24:00.001-07:00

I Am Waiting

By Lawrence Ferlinghetti

I am waiting for my case to come up
and I am waiting
for a rebirth of wonder
and I am waiting for someone
to really discover America
and wail
and I am waiting
for the discovery
Of a new symbolic western frontier
and I am waiting
for the American Eagle
to really spread its wings
and straighten up and fly right
and I am waiting for the Age of Anxiety
to drop dead
and I am waiting
for the war to be fought
which will make the world safe
for anarchy
and I am waiting for the final withering away
of all governments
and I am perpetually awaiting
a rebirth of wonder


I am waiting for the second coming
And I am waiting
For a religious revival
To sweep thru the state of Arizona
And I am waiting
For the grapes of wrath to stored
And I am waiting
For them to prove
That God is really American
And I am waiting
To see God on television
Piped into church altars
If they can find
The right channel
To tune it in on
And I am waiting
for the last supper to be served again
and a strange new appetizer
and I am perpetually awaiting
a rebirth of wonder


I am waiting for my number to be called
and I am waiting
for the Salvation Army to take over
and I am waiting
for the meek to be blessed
and inherit the earth
without taxes
and I am waiting
for forests and animals
to reclaim the earth as theirs
and I am waiting
for a way to be devised
to destroy all nationalisms
without killing anybody
and I am waiting
for linnets and planets to fall like rain
and I am waiting for lovers and weepers
to lie down together again
in a new rebirth of wonder


I am waiting for the great divide to be crossed
and I anxiously waiting
For the secret of eternal life to be discovered
By an obscure practitioner
and I am waiting
for the storms of life
to be over
and I am waiting to set sail for happiness
and I am waiting
for a reconstructed Mayflower
to reach America
with its picture story and TV rights
sold in advance to the natives
and I am waiting
for the lost music to sound again
in the Lost Continent
in a new rebirth of wonder


I am waiting for the day
that maketh all things clear
and I am waiting for retribution
for what America did to Tom Sawyer
and I am waiting
for the American Boy
to take off Beauty's clothes
and get on top of her
and I am waiting
for Alice in Wonderland
to retransmit to me
her total dream of innocence
and I am waiting
for Childe Roland to come
to the final darkest tower
and I am waiting for Aphrodite
to grow live arms
at a final disarmament conference
in a new rebirth of wonder


I am waiting
to get some intimations
of immortality
by recollecting my early childhood
and I am waiting
for the green mornings to come again
for some strains of unpremeditated art
to shake my typewriter
and I am waiting to write
the great indelible poem
and I am waiting
for the last long rapture
and I am perpetually waiting
for the fleeting lovers on the Grecian Urn
to catch each other at last
and embrace
and I am awaiting
perpetually and forever
a renaissance of wonder

Hot in the City

2009-07-25T17:46:00.000-07:00

Damian is playing in the California sunshine exploring L.A. and while he exhibits his independence I also get to explore mine. Thursday went to an outdoor concert with Michelle in the park in W. Salem and listended to some electro blues/funk music, saw Destree there. Today my friend Michele and I went shopping all over Downtown Salem today, getting to know our town. We had a great time! After 6 hours and heat that spiked at 91 degrees I sure was happy to be on my way home to my slightly cooler apartment, we've resolved to go shopping bi-monthly to see what we can see. Tonight I'm gonna shoot Candace... Pictures to follow... in fact she's on her way to pick us up some iced lattes as we speak!

2009-07-18T15:19:00.000-07:00

Defeat:

First self portraits I've done in many months. My self image right now isn't very healthy. I thought that this reflected that.

thinking

2009-07-18T12:31:00.000-07:00

"...ignorance is bliss, I don't know, but it's so painful to think, and tell me, what did thinking ever do for me, to what great place did thinking ever bring me? I think and think and think, I've thought myself out of happiness one million times, but never once into it."
Jonathan Safran Foer - Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close

Trying to prove this wrong, trying to think myself into happiness.

2009-07-12T07:46:00.000-07:00

2009-07-12T07:45:00.000-07:00

2009-07-12T07:41:00.000-07:00

2009-07-12T07:40:00.000-07:00

2009-07-12T07:38:00.000-07:00

2009-07-12T07:37:00.001-07:00

2009-07-12T07:37:00.000-07:00

destree

2009-07-12T07:03:00.000-07:00

Photographs with Destree yesterday, was a great Saturday afternoon.

She rarely questions my ideas and even when you can see the question crossing her face, she plays along. Got hundreds of good photos, always the hard part is choosing the best of the best.

Destree is capable of a transparency and depth of emotion that is striking and is just generally one of the coolest people I know. What a privlege to have someone like that willing to be your creative collaborator. Of course it doesn't hurt that she's strikingly beautiful.

2009-07-04T15:43:00.001-07:00

testing...testing...1,2,3...

2009-07-03T12:03:00.000-07:00

Phase one inspiration board...

I'm not sure where it will take me from here...

I'm excited to find out.

My fingers are covered in glue,

My story is floating just below the surface...

Got this idea in my head that I would love to have a little travel trailer, like the 50's style ones, as a traveling studio/miniature photo studio...

2009-06-28T14:29:00.000-07:00

I just got a reminder of why it's never a good idea to feel sorry for yourself... so I'm gonna stop right now.

I also went to google and typed in "why it's never a good idea to feel sorry for yourself,"
and was immediately reminded never to tell a depressed person to stop feeling sorry for themself... (is it different if you're the depressed person???) and then that perhaps looking at people with birth defects, amputees and conjoined twins might make me feel better about myself which in my opinion is a little sick and twisted. I think that I'll just choose to be grateful for the fact that I have a great kid, a pretty mellow life these days and that I'm embarking on an exciting opportunity. Just because the symptoms Damian has are likely seizures they are not new symptoms and maybe we're getting closer to an answer on how to get the problem fixed. Yes, I have a lot to be grateful for.

2009-06-28T12:29:00.000-07:00

Went to the Dr. on Friday, Damian, my 14 year old son, may be having seizures. I start a new job on Monday - Tomorrow, stress is mounting. I will make it through this... Why does my kid have to suffer through Tourettes syndrome, ADHD, a sleep disorder and now possibly Epilepsy as well??? He's such a great kid and these challenges, well.... it's just not fair. I feel like shouting it from the rooftops, it's not fair!!! But who is listening? Why us? I feel sorry for myself for the first time in I don't know how long. I could make long lists of reasons I could feel sorry for myself, but no - I always try to find the bright side of it, use it to channel into art, into making myself a stronger person but why the hell should my kid have to be drug through all this??? Where is the bright side... ???

2009-05-31T09:39:00.000-07:00

This is my current work in progress, I will find more "hopes" to surround the picture with as time goes on. The large text below her image reads: "your days of misery are now past"

dream

2009-05-28T06:34:00.001-07:00

Last night I dreamt that I joined a church choir, I was excited because they had given me a bible with a red velvet cover with opulent decorations on it and although I am not religious, I was drawn in by the generosity and the cover of this beautiful book. When I got to the choir to sing they wouldn't give me the words to the songs, I talked to the choir teacher and she said, it will sound better if you just mouth the words. What struck me most was the intensity of my emotions.

Spoilers

2009-05-24T16:09:00.000-07:00

Spoiler alert: Below are the last 3 books I did for the round robin altered board book projects.

This is Michelles:

Spoiler alert #2 - Dayna

2009-05-24T16:03:00.001-07:00

Round Robin completed!

2009-05-24T15:50:00.000-07:00

SPOILER ALERT #1: Destree, here is your book, peek if you would like but otherwise avert your eyes now!

2009-05-19T07:20:00.000-07:00

It is a beautiful day that begins with poetry and coffee for breakfast.

"my heart runs on honeysuckle and magnolias

its manual is written in hummingbird braille

but comes with pictures

page 37 suggests the owner speak to it softly

in the trouble shooting chapter

it is written:

There are times when one may hear strange noises coming from it, similar to the pingting sound of steam bouncing inside a radiator. Should one hear this, simply stay up late with it. Place your hand under it like a plate. It will stop trembling. Cake is encouraged."

Anis Mojgani

2009-05-12T12:08:00.000-07:00

although today is cold and blanketed by gigantic grey clouds summer is on it's way... it's time to shed the extra layers and relish in the sunshine...

dolls

2009-05-08T07:04:00.000-07:00

Last night we decorated cloth dolls in Artful Play with Dayna, at first I was skeptical - they were cute. How do I make this me? How do I make this my art? But by the time I was done crowning her with roses and leaves, gluing together a cocktail dress and binding her hands behind her back I felt like I had made something that represented me on some level. I will work on photographing all of my projects and posting here but for now my post shows another of Dayna's pictures...

"Everything is a self portrait"

Chuck Pahliniuk

2009-05-05T06:41:00.000-07:00

more pictures, altered, from my shoot with artist, teacher and friend - Dayna Collins.

2009-05-04T16:52:00.000-07:00

stumbled upon a poem today by Anis Mojgani, listen, read, here... can't believe this is new to me, his poetry makes me feel alive... a perfect, real and fucking beautiful ending to a surreal day!

Journey to Nowhere

2009-04-29T06:35:00.000-07:00

Last night I dreamt I was stuck driving a runaway motor home, I couldn't properly see out of the windows because it was up so high and I kept hitting power lines... it was a treacherous journey to nowhere... finally I woke up and when I went back to sleep I worked for a while (in my dreams) on neverending math equations and narratives that looped around and around before finally waking to the sound of the alarm.

You would think this meant I was feeling out of control, confused perhaps, but at least on the surface that is not the case at all. I really feel like things are well under control, perhaps I just needed a bit of adventure?

O Joyous Day!

2009-04-28T06:45:00.000-07:00

So Sunday, instead of my normal hibernation I packed up suitcases of hats and vintage wear, scarves and the like and headed over to my friend Daynas house for a photo shoot. I swear it was all fun and no work... we shot for about 3 hours, in a variety of hats and then had a lunch of Hummus, feta, kalamata olives and cucumbers on feta, delicious! Daynas home is full of curiosities and I could go back and wander around for hours looking at everything and taking lots of pictures as I went. Dayna is an amazing artist and teacher and I have learned a great deal from her, so it was exciting to be in her space and get to see what inspires her. I got home and reworked some of the photos, some traditionally and some not so much as the one above - and had free rein to play away, after she debuts them on her own website I'll post more here...

joy

2009-04-22T06:21:00.000-07:00

What brings me joy was the question... when my son gives me a play by play about his day as a freshman in high school, when I hit the creative groove, a good hug, a well written line, a word used unexpectedly (in speech) and in context that is antiquated in our time of shortcuts and slang. A really great cup of coffee, even if I'm drinking it alone as I am now - ahhh - french press... a flower growing in a sidewalk crack and other unexpected shows of beauty... people, I love people, love to watch them, see the expressions that cross their faces - even in sorrow... it's all right there bringing us together if we just look. my family, when my mom and my sister and i are together it just feels right as seldom as that happens anymore. Paint, art supplies, a blank canvas that starts to fill... books, finding a great bargain, friends, a page waiting to be filled, when the product matches the expectation, a great photograph, mine or others... a touch that stirs, a look that inspires, inspiration... muses, being a muse... Joy is everywhere... and yet why not spend every moment in it - I suppose that's what's special about it... it's still rare, fleeting.

2009-04-18T17:32:00.000-07:00

More for the round robin, this is the last round, now I've got a week and a half til the next book - what now?

2009-04-18T17:24:00.000-07:00

my second go at a round robin spread, on self reflection.

unity

2009-04-11T07:01:00.000-07:00

My beautiful sister and brother in law the day after the wedding on the beach of carpentaria... the tree holds their story behind her fence.

2009-04-09T06:43:00.000-07:00

Picked up a book called Fortunes Bastard yesterday, hanging out with Destree after book club, it was fun. Feeling alive again after my trip away... Guy at the bookshop talked to us about Turkish coffee with cardamom... I was way too chicken to go back and talk more to him...

2009-04-09T06:38:00.000-07:00

2008-06-26T21:36:00.000-07:00

My neighbor, Destree... very photogenic and fun to photograph.

Trying to get more honest with myself, to give more to my photography, to get my head on straight...

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